


The Road to Awe

by AnansiAnansi



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Ending, And they are empowered AF, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clexa Endgame, Clexa get exactly what they want with no strings attached, Clexa is canon!, Discussion of death and suicide, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, For anyone who is conflicted over the ending and not okay this one is for you, Post-Season/Series 07, Post-Season/Series Finale, Post-season 7, Season 7 series finale, Series Finale, The 100 (TV) Season 7, The 100 (TV) Season 7 Speculation, finale!spec, season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:47:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26716246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnansiAnansi/pseuds/AnansiAnansi
Summary: In the Season 7 series finale, Clarke meets Lexa one final time, and learns what the point of everything really is.  Written as a speculative fic for The 100 series' ending.TRIGGER WARNING: Discussion of, and major character death. But don't worry, it's going to work out in the end.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 41
Kudos: 107





	The Road to Awe

**Author's Note:**

> Hi friends:
> 
> So here we have it; the speculative/tribute fic that I had mentioned. At this point, I have very little faith in the series finale tomorrow (September 30, 2020), but this story has been playing in my head, constantly. I feel incredibly sorry for Clarke, and the show is just going to eviscerate her character even further in the finale; Jason Rothenberg's hatred of strong female characters makes me choke on my breath. 
> 
> So, here it is; my attempt to imagine a happier ending for Clarke and Lexa, and my tribute to two of the most iconic female characters on contemporary television. May they be happy, and may we all meet again. Protect your hearts tomorrow, folx. Be well.
> 
> UPDATE (September 30, 2020): I haven’t watched the finale yet (we don’t have The CW here in Canada, so I have to wait for Netflix), but Twitter/Tumblr told me A LOT about what’s happened. I’m in the Clexa endgame camp of things, and even though I’m happy we saw ADC as God/Judge/Not Lexa, I think this story still stands. The real endgame in my head is where Clarke and Lexa can truly be with other, free and unattached, and owing nothing more to their people. 
> 
> But, in a dumpster fire of a year, I’ll take the good things. Clexa is eternal and now, in some way, canon. 🙂
> 
> UPDATE 2 (October 2, 2020): I can't bring myself to watch the finale; I tried last night and burst into tears at the opening credits. I'll get around to it, eventually, but I just want to say, for anyone who's feeling as conflicted as I am, this fic is for us. It's literally an alternate ending where they got exactly what they wanted. Ste yuj, friends, Clexa is forever.

So this is what it felt like to have nothing left to lose. It was a feeling lost and found with a familiar strangeness surrounding it, and absolutely nothing like it was supposed to feel like in all of those books and stories she had read on the Ark. In them, a lack of choice was a decision in itself, always resolute, always firm, always something _final_ , bringing with it a sense of power to see you through to the end of the road. But now as she prepared to step through the entrance, all Clarke saw was one single fact staring back at her, suspended in the amber of eternity: this was the end, and there was nothing to keep her from going on but sheer, unadulterated hopelessness. 

She knew the taste, the touch, the smell of it so well; hopelessness and she were old friends; it was her one steady and unwavering companion for the last century and a quarter; a constant, unshakeable hand on her shoulder, an unbudging boulder on her heart. In fact, Clarke could pinpoint to the exact second when hopelessness became embedded in her psyche, but to see that memory again would also be to relive the most indescribable pain she had ever felt. She closed her eyes and held herself steady against the wall: no matter how long ago it had been, it felt like an infinite loop sometimes; the agony of watching Lexa’s beautiful, soulful eyes drain of their golden light left her gasping for breath even now. Clarke raised a hand to her heart, rubbing against the stab of pain she felt course through it; sometimes that came as a surprise, too. She didn’t think she had anything left to feel inside. But now, that pain was compounded by something else. Another memory of a younger pair of eyes, lifeless but not yet gone, appeared before her. Clarke shook her head to clear her thoughts of them; _Madi_. What was even the point of it all any more?

A light was shining in front of her now, blinding in its maddening, persistently increasing brightness. Clarke willed her eyes to open; if she didn’t now, it would soon be too much to look into so suddenly. Squinting, she walked on towards the concentrated beam of white and gold before her. Stepping into it, she was struck by the weird weightlessness; she could feel the firmness of the earth below her feet (the way the ground pushed up here was different than the sponginess of Sanctum, or the chemical crunch of Bardo), and even though she knew it was right there, Clarke felt like she was floating, impossibly suspended by the power of the light.

And then, she was looking at a slowly crystallizing silhouette, one that was branded into her brain, no, into _herself_. The figure had her back turned to Clarke, but she would have recognised those taut shoulders, that slender back, and those dark, intricate braids anywhere; she remembered those happiest moments long ago, when she had run her hands through them; it was never enough, it would never be. But this, this was just a dream, right? She was just another hallucination, another memory sent by Cadogan or Sheidheda to fuck with her, to break her down into nothingness, to get her to crumble once and for all. But that was just it, she had nothing left to give; hopelessness was a fire, not a fuel; the red hot flames inside her carried the anger of dying stars, and she was just one spark away from engulfing everything in that endless, raging red. But then, the spectre turned to look at her, and Clarke was a moth torpefied by the force of that gentle smile she had kept inside of her like a talisman for what felt like eternity.

“Lexa?” Clarke couldn’t see very clearly through the tears streaming down her face; she wiped them if only to make sure who she was seeing was actually there.

“Clarke.” Lexa’s soft voice echoed slightly in the room; at the sound of it, a sob escaped Clarke’s mouth; how long had she craved to hear that again? She was shaking now, her body racked with the shock of what was happening, even as she stumbled forward towards Lexa, but it was Lexa who reached her first, arms outstretched, wrapping them around Clarke, who couldn’t stop trembling. It was too much, too much; after everything she had been through, this was the deepest place inside of her that she knew she wouldn’t survive the dive downwards from.

“Please, please. Just leave me alone.” She turned her face away from Lexa, tucking it into her own shoulder, as if shielding herself from a blow.

“Clarke, Clarke. It’s me. I’m here.” Lexa was shaking her gently, willing her to look up. Finally, when she could gather the strength to look up at her, she squeezed the words out. “You’re not real. And I can’t take anymore. Please, just _go_.” 

Lexa didn’t respond; she only stood there, tightening her hold around Clarke, pulling her closer, until they touched all the way up from their hips to their chests. When Clarke’s tears finally slowed to sniffs, Lexa connected their foreheads. “Clarke. Look at me.”

Clarke slowly opened her eyes; this was impossible; yet, here she was, standing in front of Lexa like nothing had changed since the last time they had held each other like this, content and _together_ , just before Lexa had been taken away from her so brutally, so meaninglessly. 

Clarke raised her head, stroking Lexa’s face, running her fingers over her eyebrows, her cheekbones, her soft, soft lips. Free from warpaint and worry, Lexa seemed lighter, and...otherworldly.

“Lexa,” Clarke managed to keep her voice steady. “How can this be?” She looked around. “Where are we? Is this place like the City of Light? Are you just in my head again?”

Lexa raised her hands to Clarke’s face, cupping it gently. Clarke shivered, a powerful wave of longing rising inside her quickly; just as suddenly, it was quelled by Lexa’s touch. It was incredible how a century long ache could be stilled in mere seconds. Clarke let the sense of calm wash over her; if this was a dream, it was the one she would want to fade into, peacefully. Lexa’s fingers rubbed gentle circles on her cheekbones; they were softer, the callouses were dissolved, and she wasn’t wearing her fighting gloves, or any armour at all. Come to think of it, she was dressed as she was when Clarke had gone up to her chambers to say goodbye that long time ago, when they had made love. This was _her_ Lexa, the one who had taken a bullet for her, the one who had kept her oath of fealty till the end, and literally paid for it with her life.

“So many questions; just like always.” Lexa’s tone was amused, but her smile was nostalgic. “No, we are not in a mind space like the City of Light. This place is…. a stop, somewhere to rest, if you will. I would call it bardo, but I see that has already been taken, and sorely misused.” Lexa paused, a wry smile playing on her lips. “Let’s just say it’s a meeting place for souls.”

Clarke shook her head slowly, as if trying to process the words. “So I’m not just talking to your consciousness from the Flame?”

Lexa shook her head. “No. This…” She looked down at herself. “This is...me. Lexa. Not the Commander. Without the Flame, this is just the part of me that passed on. My _essence_ , is what I think it would be called.” 

Clarke stared at her. “How did you find me now? And…” her voice caught, but she had to know. “Where the hell have you been this whole time?” She stepped away; the thought that Lexa could have been with her all this while confused her, but she couldn’t bring herself to break contact with Lexa; she kept their hands intertwined. 

“You called to me. You always have, and I’ve been trying to reach out to you, Clarke.” Lexa paused. “This might be difficult to understand, and I didn’t see it myself until after I reached the next shore, but you need to know this now.” Lexa pointed to a velvet green chaise lounge in the corner of the room; Clarke furrowed her brow; had that always been here? But she let Lexa lead her to it, sitting down beside her.

Lexa took her hand, resting it on her knee; her thumb drew little patterns against Clarke’s skin; it was all Clarke could do not to shut her eyes and give in to the feeling; she had to know what was even happening, first.

“When I.... died, and Titus took the Flame out,” Lexa watched as Clarke flinched, then held her hand firmer, but continued on. “A part of my consciousness was retained in it, it’s true. It happens to all commanders, and it’s how we can communicate with the chosen ones in the future, and stop them from repeating our mistakes.” Lexa paused, until Clarke nodded for her to continue. “But the Lexa bit of me just moved on. Death is not the end, you know that. But that’s not just true for my spirit; it’s the same for my soul, too.” Lexa waved her free hand. “That part is true for all humans; whether or not they carry the Flame. And every living creature, too.”

“Okay. So what you’re saying is that your soul lived on; but when you said I was calling to you, what did you mean?”

Lexa cleared her throat. “Well, since you took the Flame for a short period of time, my spirit that was in the Flame was able to...connect to your mind and stay there, even though it was only in a small amount; it chose wisely. But my soul, that had nothing to do with the Flame. That was because of our...bond.”

Clarke felt her cheeks grow hot. None of this made any sense, least of all the fact that she was still reacting to Lexa this way; but she was making progress, and it had been a long time before she had been filled with such warmth. “So, what did the two connections do for me?”

There was a twinkle in Lexa’s eyes. “Well, I was able to show you the way through some...difficult situations.” She paused. “Like helping you find me in the City of Light?” Clarke squeezed her hand, thinking back to how that time, too, Lexa had given up her life to protect her yet again. “And after Praimfaiya, who do you think led you to Shallow Valley?” Lexa’s smile faltered. “And then, once Madi took the Flame….”

“You talked to me through her.” Clarke’s eyes filled with tears again. “Lexa, Madi. Cadogan…. _broke_ her mind to find the code.” Her eyes flashed with sudden rage. “He pays for what he did.”

Lexa nodded, but held Clarke’s hand tighter. “He pays. But will you trust me that Madi will be alright?” 

“My baby.” Clarke shook her head, her voice cracking. “How can I believe that, Lexa?”

Lexa was silent for a few moments. “Because if you wish it, it will be.”

Clarke’s brow was creased in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Beside her, Lexa shifted, and just like that, her left thigh touched Clarke’s right; Clarke could feel the heat emanating from Lexa, and nothing was making sense, and here was Lexa, _alive._ Clarke’s head was spinning from the incoherence of it all, but she forced herself to focus on Lexa’s words.

__

“Clarke, you once told me that life should be about more than surviving; you were right. And, do you remember what you said to everyone at the Alpha Station?”

__

Clarke nodded; that moment and its aftermath, was yet another burden she had spent decades carrying around. “I said that we wouldn’t just survive, we would thrive. And then I made that horrible list.” She hung her head down, defeated. “Lexa, when I’m in charge, people die. And now I’m here, trying to save humanity, when there’s nothing even left to save.” She rubbed a hand tiredly over her eyes. “I didn’t ask for any of this; why does it keep happening?” 

__

Lexa raised her hand to Clarke’s chin, turning her head so Clarke was looking at her. “Because you weren’t _supposed_ to save everyone. Neither was I.” She rolled her jaw slowly, as if tasting her next words before speaking them. “I didn’t see that until...this.” Lexa circled a finger around, pointing to the room. “You don’t get to decide who lives or dies. I shouldn’t have, either. That’s not what you and I were... _are_ here for.”

__

Clarke turned to her, her eyes wide. “Did I just get it wrong all this time? Is that why every time I try to do something right, it just ends up going so very wrong?” She shook her head. “I can’t save anyone, Lexa.”

__

Lexa’s voice was gentle. “That’s because, without me, you’re stuck with only half the key, Clarke.” She moved closer to Clarke; they were seated facing each other. now. “We were meant to keep the balance, so everyone else can figure out their paths themselves.” She smiled wistfully. “We got it right once. Do you remember when?”

__

Clarke nodded; she was wading through her quagmire of her thoughts, but it was slowly beginning to make sense. “When you welcomed Skaikru as the Thirteenth Clan. Before the blockade. Before you...died for me.” Clarke’s lower lip trembled; those words would never stop cutting her open.

__

Lexa nodded. “Yes. If the blockade had worked, we would have kept the peace. And things would have been very different. We would have survived _and_ thrived. And everyone else would have found their own way.”

__

Something clicked for Clarke then. “So we _can_ do both...if we’re together.” Lexa nodded. “But, we can’t be together. I made it so that we can’t.” There were the tears again; no amount would ever fix the fact that Lexa couldn’t be with her anymore, and it was her own fault. 

__

Lexa sighed. “Clarke, you have to stop feeling guilty about that. You weren’t the reason I died. And look, I’m here _now_.” 

__

Clarke wiped her eyes. “I’m cursed, Lexa; everyone I love dies.”

__

“Not everyone, Clarke. Not me. There are no such things as curses. Things just happen as they are meant to be.” Lexa’s eyes were twinkling again. “And, I didn’t get the chance to say it before, but, _ai hod yu in_. I have all this time, you know.” 

__

The rush of blood in Clarke’s ears almost drowned the sound of the words out; she had imagined them almost every day for so long, they were almost figments of her own imagination. But, here was Lexa, and she had seen the words fall out of her mouth with her own eyes. Something inside of her gave way then; this, whatever strange madness this was that had overtaken her, was so very, very sweet; and for the first time in one hundred years, she felt a tiny tendril poke its head up in her heart; it felt a lot like hope. She stroked Lexa’s hair, still as soft as she remembered it; her eyes wandered over Lexa’s face; she knew every angle, every inch like her own, but this was the reward for a lifetime of begging to see Lexa once more. She ran her thumb over Lexa’s lips; they were slightly parted, and a single tear rolled down Lexa’s cheek. Without another word, Clarke leaned forward and kissed her. 

__

A slight moan escaped Lexa’s mouth; Clarke deepened their kiss as she touched the tip of her tongue to Lexa’s, drinking her in, until all she could think, feel or taste was Lexa. If this was just an illusion, it would be the one that saw her through to the misery of reality for another ten thousand years.

__

She felt Lexa lie back against the chaise lounge, their bodies flush; Clarke moved on top of her, her hands desperate to gather and keep as much of Lexa with her as she could. She could feel Lexa pull her closer, her arms wrapping themselves around Clarke tighter, as if she would never let go. 

__

But it was all too much. Too much. This was bound to end; there was nothing but hopelessness in her future now; she couldn’t let herself sink too deeply into Lexa; she wouldn't be able to come back from it this time. And there was Madi to think of. Clarke broke off their kiss, looking deeply into Lexa’s eyes before resting her head on her chest; there it was, Lexa’s big, strong, steady heart, its rhythm proof of something floating just beyond her comprehension. She listened to it, until she could feel her own beating in time with Lexa’s. “Lexa, if this is real, why didn’t you come to me before?” She felt a surge of that anger again, but managed to clamp down on it; it wasn’t fair to Lexa, but she had to know. “Where have you been all this time?” 

__

Lexa was quiet for a moment as she played with Clarke’s hair. “I tried, Clarke. I tried to reach you; maybe you could even tell sometimes? I thought you might.” She sighed. “But you weren’t ready, I think. You were always willing to sacrifice yourself to save everyone, but without you fully knowing why, it would have been...unfruitful.”

__

Clarke thought about what Lexa was saying. And then, like a cannonball, it hit her; the memories were crashing down on her now; every single time she had been ready to end her fight, something unexplainable, a force stronger than her own will, had stopped her. Praimfaya, Josephine...the M-Cap machine…. “It was you. All this time, it was you bringing me back.” She raised herself off Lexa, who only nodded. “But why? I thought you wanted us to be together.”

__

Lexa sat up, too, taking Clarke’s hands in her own. “I do. But it’s a choice only you can make, Clarke, and only when you know _why_ you’re making it. Like I said, you weren’t ready.”

__

Clarke’s heart was pounding. “Lexa, am I ready now? But what about Madi? And the others? I can’t just leave them. I’m here, I’m here for _them_.” 

__

Lexa gently brushed her lips against Clarke’s; the calm washing over Clarke was instantaneous. “No, Clarke, you’re not. You’re here because it’s time for you to make a choice for yourself; but it’s a choice that will change the course for everyone else, because of who you are.” She paused. “Ask your soul. Only it can truly change things.”

__

Clarke stared at Lexa, her eyes wide, as if they were taking in the weight of everything she was saying. “You are _Wanheda_ , Clarke. _You_ choose.” 

__

Clarke raised a hand to her heart. “I am the Commander of Death. I choose….the beginning of the end….”

__

Lexa smiled at her. “Yes. And the end begins with you. Over and over again. And we keep the balance, you and I, until humanity doesn’t need us to anymore, until it has found its way.” She raised Clarke’s hands to her lips, kissing them. “That’s what it means: to survive and thrive.”

__

Clarke’s head was spinning; her heart was in her throat. “Is this the test? My choice?”

__

Lexa nodded. “For you, yes. Someday every single surviving human will take their own version of it, but….”

__

“...We need to help them get there, not take the test for them.” It was like her mind had opened up a passage into infinity; the thoughts she was having were wild things sweeping her up in their wake, even as she sorted through them. She was caught in the tornado inside her, whirling round and round, blinded and silenced by it, until finally, she found herself in it’s eye, staring at the answer as if it was etched on a wall before her. And then, she was laughing, crying, trembling all at once with an undeniable realization. There was no fear now, the hopelessness inside had dissipated; there was only this moment and Lexa, laughing with her through her own tears. “Lexa, I’m going to die. I need to, don’t I?”

__

Lexa pulled her closer, wiping the tears away. “Death is not the end, Clarke. The Disciples call it 'ascension' for a reason. You’ll see it for yourself soon, I promise.” She held Clarke’s face steady. “Do you trust me?” 

__

Clarke’s gaze was firm and unhesitating. “I do.” She ran her hands over Lexa’s face. “Will I find you again? And Madi?”

__

Lexa nodded. “If you want to, yes. Always.” She kissed Clarke. “Come to me. Come find me again. We're waiting for you.”

__

Clarke leaned in, and kissed Lexa once more, finding the strength she needed. “Show me how. I’m ready.” 

__

Lexa began leaving soft kisses on her face, starting at her jaw, finishing with one on each of Clarke’s eyes. “Then, together we will live forever.” She lay down, drawing Clarke to her. “Close your eyes, Clarke. And, end, or begin it.” 

__

Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s chest, holding on tightly. She didn’t know why, but it made sense to do what Lexa was asking; she was so very tired, and Lexa had asked her for her trust, so she would give it to her. Her last thought, as she faded away into a deep, deep sleep, was how, for the first time in her life, she could feel peace infiltrating to her very core, infusing her every fibre with it.

__

******

__

“Clarke?” Lexa’s soft voice broke through her consciousness; she could feel her hand on her shoulder, gently shaking her awake. As she slowly woke into her body, she could feel a light breeze wafting over her; it was warm, with a hint of sea-salt, and she could feel the sun on her face, her hands, her feet; she was so very relaxed, but Lexa seemed determined to wake her. Fluttering her eyes open, she smiled when Lexa’s face came into view. What was happening? Even through her disorientation, Clarke felt a surge of pure joy course through her. Reaching up, she grabbed Lexa and pulled her down, crashing their lips together. Lexa moaned in surprise, but kissed her back with fervour, letting Clarke, who couldn’t stop running her hands all over, take the lead. Finally, when Clarke felt her heart slow down a little, she leaned back. “Hi. You’re here.” She shook her head to toss away the haze. “I just had the craziest dream.” 

__

Lexa’s languid smile quieted the remnants of the storm inside her even more. “Hi, baby. Sorry I took longer to get ready. You okay?” Concern flashed in Lexa’s eyes. “Want to go get lunch now and tell me about it?

__

Clarke nodded, glad for the chance to move away from her dream; it had left her shaken to the very centre of herself. She was struck with a sudden panic. “Madi. Where’s Madi?”

__

Lexa opened her mouth, but Clarke heard a shout in the distance before she could respond. “Moms! Come heeeeere, we’re going to be late!” Madi, who looked about six or seven years old, waved them over frantically. Clarke thought her heart would break with relief.

__

Lexa stood up and held her hand out to Clarke, who arranged her hair and clothes before taking it. This was all so weird; she was having a hard time not sinking back into her thoughts. She held onto Lexa tightly, anchoring herself against her. Lexa slipped an arm around her waist, a mysterious half-smile playing on her lips. She seemed strangely excited about something. “What’s going on, Lex?”

__

Lexa only kissed her in response. “Nothing! I’m just enjoying being on vacation with my wife and daughter at this beautiful beach resort.” She waved her hand around, nonchalantly; Clarke wasn’t totally convinced, but they were almost to the gazebo, where Lexa had told her they would be having lunch. They turned the corner past the hedge of brightly coloured bougainvillea bushes obscuring the view; just as they cleared it, Clarke gasped and stopped short, covering her mouth with her hand.

__

“SURPRISE!” A chorus of voices burst through the summer air. “Happy Fortieth, Clarke!” She stood rooted to the spot, taking in the sight as best she could; her brain was incapable of processing anything in that moment. She ran her eyes over their faces, tearing up even as she matched their smiles. They were all here; every single one of them. Madi came rushing up to her and threw her arms around her waist; Clarke thought her heart would implode from happiness. Her father and mother, holding up their glasses in a toast, Raven, Finn, Octavia, Lincoln, Murphy, Emori, Jasper, Monty, Harper, Echo and even….Bellamy, each one cheering, laughing, clapping; all of them, _alive_. The list went on and on; there must have been about a hundred people there, all of them lined up at the long table, their excitement palpable in the air.

__

Stroking Madi’s head, she turned to Lexa. “How? How is this possible?”

__

Lexa only laughed, kissing her temple. “Well, we’ve had this planned for months. It was hard, with the excitement of this lot…” She gestured towards the crowd, "But we managed to keep it under wraps. They all flew in and got settled yesterday, when we were out snorkelling on the reef.” She smiled triumphantly, her eyes alight. "Good surprise?”

__

Clarke could only nod as she swallowed the lump in her throat. She flung herself into Lexa, holding onto her with everything she had. “Thank you, thank you, Lexa. I love you; I love you so much.” Lexa only shushed her gently, until Clarke was ready to look up at her again. “Anything for you, my love.” She looked over at Abby, who was waving them over excitedly. “Maybe you can go say hello to everyone? I need to talk to the chef about tonight’s party.”

__

Clarke nodded, squeezing her hand. “Come back soon.” She kissed her quickly, before leading Madi away. “Come on, Madi. Let’s go see Grandma and Gramps.” She made her way around, spending a few minutes greeting every person there; there were hugs aplenty, and every single smile, every chuckle, every wish of good luck and health, was laced with sheer happiness. What was happening? Clarke had no clue, but she was giving in to the feeling. 

__

By the time she had finished talking to everyone, the appetizers were coming out by the trayful. Making her way back to the front, she sat down beside Lexa, who was in the middle of a deep belly laugh at something Raven had said. Making sure Madi was right next to her, Clarke turned to Lexa, who slipped her arm around her shoulders. A server came up with two matching drinks. 

__

“Ah. Perfect timing.” Lexa handed one to her, raising her own glass at Clarke. “Happy Birthday, baby.” She leaned in for a soft, slow kiss. Pulling away, she took a sip; Clarke did the same. 

__

Lexa raised her eyebrows. “Hmm, heady stuff, but delicious. They tell me this is our couples’ drink for the day.” She looked down at the menu beside her. “ _Ascende superius._ Interesting name.”

__

Clarke stared at the drink; this was impossible, yet here she was, with everyone that mattered. If equilibrium was a feeling, she was basking in it right now.

__

Taking another sip, Lexa turned sideways to look at her. “So, tell me: what was your dream about?”

__

**Author's Note:**

> From Chuang Chou (Zhuangzhi)'s 'Butterfly Dream':
> 
> Once upon a time, I, Chuang Chou, dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was Chou. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man. Between a man and a butterfly there is necessarily a distinction. The transition is called the transformation of material things.
> 
> Also, every second of life is worth living, folx. This is just another story. If you're having thoughts of suicide, reach out for help; it's yours for the taking. Here's an international list of helplines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html.
> 
> As always, comments are welcome. Reshop, kru. Until, we meet again.


End file.
